Hey yo! Have you missed me? No? That’s fine. To be fair, Golfstradamus hasn’t been any better than your garden variety bookie. That said, the PGA Tour is teeing it up at one of my favorite venues this week — Colonial Country Club — and sports betting is becoming legal! 

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Hello, friends and degenerates! After the disappointment of the year’s first major, it’s time to turn our sights and wallets towards the sandy shores of South Carolina and Hilton Head Island for the RBC Heritage.

As they have every year since 1983, the best in the world will tee it up at the Harbor Town Golf Links the week after the Masters — and just like each of the last three years in this tournament, I’ve got your winner pegged.

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Hello Friends — and degenerates! The end of our long, torturous ordeal is finally nearing an end. The light at the end of the tunnel is now a solid beam of blinding light full of hope, the promise of Spring, green outerwear and pimento cheese. Masters week is upon us. Five words I have been dying to say for about 365 days, give or take. Christmas in April, the most wonderful time of the year, yada yada.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The world’s best golfers are in Austin, Texas this week for the Dell Technologies Match-Play Championship. As we all know, that means anything and everything can happen. Just like the NCAA’s “March Madness” tournament, you can expect upsets galore followed by a No. 1 seed inevitably winning the damn thing. 

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Hello, friends and degenerates! It’s time once again to weed out the weak from the strong! The players from the posers! The best from the rest! This week, the PGA Tour rolls into Orlando for the Arnold Palmer Invitational — the next chance to line your pockets with income your wife doesn’t know about! 

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Hola, friends and degenerates! It’s time to head back to the Sunshine State for this week’s Valspar Championship. 

In the past, the Valspar has been a sub-par tournament filled with PGA Tour journeymen and young kids who haven’t really proven they could do more than beat their dad and his buddies at the local club. Boy, how times have changed! 

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Buenos Dias! The PGA Tour climbs Trump’s wall and heads South of the Boarder to the land of cheap cerveza and duffel bags full of heads! Not only does this week’s WGC-Mexico Championship mark the second time time the world’s best golfers tee it up in Mexico, it’s also the first World Golf Championship of the year. 

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Good day, friends and degenerates! After a rousing week of edge-of-couch riding followed by the onset of helplessness and sorrow at the Genesis Open, we turn our eyes and hopes and dreams east to the Sunshine state for the Honda Classic — the first leg of the Tour’s “Florida swing.” 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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