(AP Photo/Alan Diaz)

The more things change, the more they stay the same — don’t they? Another week of PGA Tour golf and another weed of betting disappointment. The old crystal brain has never been more cloudy.

But — in the words of the great Chumbawumba, “I get knocked down, but I get up again — you’re never going to keep me down.”

The world’s best are in Dublin, Ohio for the Memorial Tournament. Jack’s tournament.

Of all the the non-major, non-PLAYERS Championship championships, this is the one everyone wants to win. There’s just something special about getting to hang with the Golden Bear.

So — who actually has a chance to make us some money? Who should you avoid like the fantasy plague they are?

Here’s a look at my can’t-miss, no-doubt, sure-fire, mortal locks for the Memorial Tournament:

The Memorial Tournament
Muirfield Village Golf Club – Dublin, Ohio
May 31 – June 3, 2018

ODDS to Win:
Dustin Johnson 12/1
Rory McIlroy 14/1
Jason Day 14/1
Justin Rose 14/1
Justin Thomas 12/1
Jordan Spieth 16/1
Rickie Fowler 18/1
Tiger Woods 20/1
Henrik Stenson 25/1
Hideki Matsuyama 30/1
Patrick Reed 30/1
Bubba Watson 30/1
Matt Kuchar 30/1
Marc Leishman 30/1
Phil Mickelson 40/1
Branden Grace 40/1
Emiliano Grillo 40/1
Charl Schwartzel 40/1
Adam Scott 40/1
Louis Oosthuizen 50/1
Tony Finau 50/1
Jason Dufner 50/1
Bryson DeChambeau 40/1
Kevin Na 50/1
Patrick Cantlay 60/1
Aaron Wise 60/1
Kevin Kisner 60/1
Chesson Hadley 60/1
Billy Horschel 60/1
Zach Johnson 80/1
Charles Howell III 80/1
Xander Schauffele 80/1
Kiradech Aphibarnrat 80/1
Byeong Hun An 80/1
Shane Lowry 80/1
Kyle Stanley 80/1
Keegan Bradley 80/1
Ryan Moore 60/1
Danny Lee 80/1
Luke List 80/1
Joaquin Niemann 100/1
Peter Uihlein 100/1
Beau Hossler 100/1
Adam Hadwin 80/1
Cameron Smith 100/1
Jamie Lovemark 100/1
Bill Haas 100/1
Russell Knox 80/1
Kevin Chappell 100/1
Charley Hoffman 100/1
Rory Sabbatini 100/1
Keith Mitchell 100/1
Chris Kirk 100/1
Si Woo Kim 125/1
Pat Perez 125/1
Russell Henley 125/1
Gary Woodland 125/1
Kevin Streelman 125/1
Kevin Tway 125/1
Nick Watney 125/1
Cameron Davis 125/1
Shubhankar Sharma 150/1
Julian Suri 150/1
Bud Cauley 150/1
J.B. Holmes 150/1
Satoshi Kodaira 150/1
Jason Kokrak 150/1
Ollie Schniederjans 150/1
David Lingmerth 150/1
Andrew Landry 150/1
Lucas Glover 150/1
Martin Laird 150/1
Anirban Lahiri 150/1
Austin Cook 200/1
Grayson Murray 200/1
Jhonattan Vegas 200/1
Patrick Rodgers 250/1
Jim Furyk 250/1
Yusaku Miyazato 250/1
Field (all others) 18/1

Mortal Locks: 

Rory McIlroy — My counterpart may be throwing in the towel on Rory McIlroy, but not me. Good Lord, have you seen what he’s been doing? Sure, the W’s haven’t really been there, but he’s trending in the right direction in nearly every statistical category that matters — and, he’s coming to Muirfield on the heels of a “disappointing” runner-up at the BMW Championship last week. It should also be noted that Rors has a great reverence for Jack — more so than many. It would be career-affirming for him to win the Memorial. At 14/1, McIlroy is a great bet.

Justin Rose — Going back-to-back on the PGA Tour is one of the most difficult feats in major American pro sports. Convince me otherwise. That said, the way Justin Rose is striping it right now, he’s got a phenomenal chance of doing just that. After an impressive win last week at the Fort Worth Invitational, Rose has his sights set on taking down another jewel event at a revered venue. At 14/1, the ROI here is bonkers for the player type of player you’re betting on.

Bang for Your Buck:

Bubba Watson — In 2017, Bubba Watson (fans) enjoyed the worst seasons of his career. The only real bright spot on the campaign was Jack’s tournament. Smash cut to one year later and Watson has already been to the winner’s circle twice this season, is putting better than he has since his last Masters victory and can still hit it father than Uncle Rico can huck a pigskin. At 30/1, you’d be remiss not to at least give Bubba a look.

Louis Oosthuizen — Speaking of players trending in the right direction, Louis Oosthuizen is high on that list. Not only as the South African connected  a couple great finishes in his last handful of starts, he’s also moving up in all those statistical categories that suggest something big is on the horizon. If that’s true, that big thing could be your pay day. He’s getting 50/1 money this week at the Memorial — which is certainly enticing for someone as reliable as Shrek.

Fun Under $5: 

Jim Furyk — Why not Jim Furyk this week, huh? I mean, besides being beaten up physically, old, etc., give me one good reason why Captain American can’t come through and pick up the W at Jack’s place? At 250/1, it’s a long shot — but it’d still be cool to see. Keep in mind — Furyk can go as low as anyone on the planet at any time. Should he connect a couple rounds at Muirfield Village, we could all be very wealthy come Monday.

There you have it, friends and degenerates! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a big weekend of boozing and cruising for the anniversary of the day this great visionary squirted into the world. Until next time, go and choose wisely…

-Golfstradamus.

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