Hey yo! Have you missed me? No? That's fine. To be fair, Golfstradamus hasn't been any better than your garden variety bookie. That said, the PGA Tour is teeing it up at one of my favorite venues this week -- Colonial Country Club -- and sports betting is becoming legal! 
As most of the country is covered in a blanket of ice and snow and misery, the winner's of the PGA Tour are in Hawaii, a land untouched by the despicable clutches of winter where you can swim with dolphins, paddle board with sea turtles, play golf in January and breath without your lungs feeling like your swallowing pieces of a broken razor blade. 
Believe it or not, the 2017-18 PGA Tour season is already upon us -- which means we've all got a clean slate. Whether you're a PGA Tour rookie, a journeyman pro or a degenerate wagerer like myself, it's time to begin anew. Last year means nothing. Tomorrow is here and it's time to make hay while the sun shines!
As you know, it's PGA Championship week -- the penultimate time the event will be the final major of the season -- and the last chance to make some major money betting on golf. Below I've taken precious time out of my whirlwind schedule to give you my can't-miss, sure-fire, mortal locks for the PGA Championship. So -- get your pencil's ready, kiddos -- I'm only going to say this once: